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Letter To The Editor: Another Trash Day Success Story

on September 21, 2017 - 11:24am
Los Alamos

The alarm blares … I wake from my slumber. I stagger down into the basement and enter the code into the cipher lock, place my hand into the hand geometry scanner and look into the retinal scanner, which opens our bear proof vault.

Man, it really stinks in here. I’d install a vent to the outside, but the smell would likely attract baby bears that would climb down the duct … and they’d likely start reproducing. Ever seen Gremlins??

I carefully wheel the bin out and onto our freight elevator. It rises up into the high bay. “4:27 a.m. You’ve got this Jason ...You’ve got this. Being a little early never hurt anyone”... I open the high bay door and as it inches upward I scan the surroundings with my flashlight when suddenly two bright eyes are staring back at me! ABORT! SEAL THE BAY! I hear ferocious roaring as the monster claws at the door … I sit there on a bench for a while contemplating the situation and thinking how foolish I was for being early. I glance down at my watch. “4:30”.

I again open the garage door, ready for anything … As it rises I see the colossal bear rear up, standing over 7 feet tall with teeth exposed and claws out … when suddenly, it starts to vaporize and vanishes into the ether as if it were a ghost.

Another trash day success story.